Light bulb!!!

I had a really productive day today! So I'm really excited. I haven't smoked today either. (and I'm really happy about that as well.) I completed 2 light patients at Faculty Practice, who were just awesome!!! I got 100% on both cases. Then I went to school, stayed for pharmacology and it was just all smooth sailing. Got home, had dinner, went to the gym an hour later. Had an awesome workout with my cousin, who is an amazing gym partner -- really keeps me motivated :) I adore her. We both took a great dance class at the gym, burned some calories, then drove home. I started my homework for pathology, which was almost excruciating since I'm just exhausted today.

The Light Bulb affect occurred during my conversation with my cousin when we were on the way back from the gym. She said to me "if you can quit smoking, which is obviously a psychological addiction, then why can't you stop binge eating?" which completely makes sense!!!

Had a semi-great day.. (day 1)

I woke up early, went to babysit my nephew. He is the chunkiest little monster. He doens't like me. Maybe it's because I only spend one hour a week with him. I don't know. Anyway after that my mom came and replaced me and my day started...I called my cousin and we planned to hit the gym in the morning around 9 am. We worked out for about an hour, then I took her home. Went home, took a shower, had breakfast, got dressed for school. Had classes from 1 pm to 8 pm straight. It was excruciating. I had a small craving for a smoke, but I made it through and survived it. Finished school, came home, went by my cousins to pick up a camara for my case study. I'm working on my mom tomorrow. Im really excited. Too tired. Going to sleep.

I CRACKED :(

I had a smoke, I hate myself...i held out for three whole days...and I cracked. for no good damn reason too. This sucks. I guess Im back to square one.

Accepting and admitting that I have a problem...

Day 3 is almost over, I can't believe I quit smoking..cold turkey and it's been 3 whole days. I'm really excited for myself. I hope this lasts long enough for me to quit forever!!! I know its going to be really hard on school days, cuz I have this whole routine. I wake up, I have a cup of black coffee, two cigarettes and then I head to school. I stay in classes until lunch time then I have lunch, have coffee and have a few more cigs. Then I see patients at the clinic on my rotations and during the break I go outside for coffee and a cigarette. There are two breaks. Then I finish out my rotations, I head for another class, I come out 2 hours later and then go for dinner, have a drink and a few more cigarettes. So basically thats on a normall day when I actually have time to eat and take coffee breaks, then there are days that all I do is smoke and stress over exams and patients. That was going on during the last two weeks, it was midterms week. Smoking has been truly detrimental to my health ( can't breath, I have chest pains) Its been detrimental to my social life as well ( most of my friends dont smoke, even the guys I meet are turned off by the smoking) its even detrimental to my professional life ( I got fired from my last job, because my boss caught me smoking on my lunch break, I think that should be illigal) but anyway so smoking has just been bad for me all around.

Uncomfortable...(day 3)

I invited my closest girlfriends to my house for dinner. They decided to bring their husbands and kids along to what was supposed to be a quiet dinner, bottle of wine and some marshmallows in the fire place, turned into kids running around singing along to Barney and by the end of the night one of my friends got into a fight with the other ones husband. I have a ridiculous headache. I love my friends but them being married with children is soooo irritating. Drives me crazy that I'm not married with children. I am a really nurturing and loving person. But being divorced has changed me..all my friends think I hate kids. What they aren't getting is that I hate the fact that I don't have kids, and therefore I can't stand other ppls kids running around me.

Day # 2..is going well

It's a really great day today, not weather wise, its actually pretty gloomy, rainy and cold out. But it's a good day in my mind. I haven't smoked in almost two days. I didn't overeat today, I have no exams to study for, except for the big board exam. But that's not till March, so today I am just resting, listening to Sade. She has an amazing voice. I have a great fresh linen candle burning and its just really peaceful in here. Love it.

Coming up on DAY # 2

It's 4:23 am, still haven't had a smoke.....